nabilah

MAEN FACEBOOK?!
12:36amHafiz

skejap jer..

sambilan..
12:36amnabilah

hmmmmmmmm.
12:37amHafiz

go see the vid..

i'm uploading more pics...
12:37amnabilah

am watching
12:41amnabilah

okay. how did you guys do it?
12:41amHafiz

i climbed up lah...

hehehe...
12:41amnabilah

hehh
12:42amHafiz

cool ak?
12:42amnabilah

cool. HHAHA! i didnt know there's space for you to climb.
12:42amHafiz

that's why...


12:43amnabilah

hehh. suke eh.
12:43amHafiz

a ah..

suke ah....
12:44amnabilah

hmm. mcm anaaaaaaaaaaaak je
12:45amHafiz

smiles
12:45amnabilah


12:46amHafiz

back
1:01amnabilah

tadi pergi mane?
1:08amHafiz

tadie when?
1:10amnabilah

okay takpe.
1:12amHafiz

(kak suruh edit pdf file for her work thingy,,,,)

(photoshop is damn lagging...)

i can't even move my mouse to this screen

i had to alt+tab
1:13amnabilah

tkpelah. pergi buat kerjenye. nabilah tknk ganggu
1:13amHafiz

i'm sleeping soon, dearest

ive been wrestling with me eyes....
1:13amnabilah

go and rest then

go..
1:14amHafiz

but i'm not done with kak fiza's thing...
1:15amnabilah

wait a while and finish it. you can sleep after that. in the meantime, maybe chatting with me is making the hwole damn thing lagging. maybe you should log off fb altogther. or stay not chatting with me..
1:16amHafiz

hey...
1:16amnabilah

hmm?
1:16amHafiz

don't speak like that...
1:16amnabilah

you cant deny the truth, eh?

it's okay. even if you were to agree, i would def understand it. it's called something like give and take.
1:18amHafiz

i hate it that you have to feel this way.
1:19amnabilah

it's something you have to either accept it or well, just dont. remember when i said you alwasy have a choice. you still do, you know.
1:19amHafiz

i'll hold on to my decision for now...

forever...

i am accepting it...

but i'm lamenting why i can't find a solution to it..

a more successful/productive/influencial/productive solution to it
1:21amnabilah

i'm afraid you'll regret it. think carefully and weigh everything. every single thing. the outcome, the situation, your desire.
1:22amHafiz

the way you say it...

it's like you're telling me i STILL have a way out

the truth is, dear..

i'll stay with you..

i won't go away...

you're a part of me now.

i want me to succeed

i want you to succeed

i want us to succeed

i don't want any one of us to have to succumb to a situation without having tried first

and by trying, mean effort put in by both parties...

i am trying to help you here..

i don't know how

but i'm finding out...

slowly..

in the mean time, i still try..
1:26amnabilah

it's okay you know. I dont't want to be a burden. it's okay if you were to just give it all up becaus ein the end, it's me. i don't want you to worry over things like myself when you can clearly enjoy things that you should. you should not bother yourself with me, you know.
1:28amnabilah

i'm not trying to make you leave but i'm saying you have a choice. and i'm teling you because i don't want you to blame yourself. and clearly i don't want you to blame me. i'm tired and sick of it. and i'm torn beyond repair. I know.

I triend turning the situation into the best thing i can think of. but it just won't work. i reasoned it out just so i wount give up but i can't do this anymore.
1:29amHafiz

it's okay you know. you're not a burden. it's not okay for either one of us to just give up and act irresponsibly. in the end, it's how far we've come. i don't want you to think that you're in this alone. i'm here with you, you know.

so...

what fate do you resign yourself to?
1:30amnabilah

you know, its funny how i still feel detached from you after all we've been through.

that's why is till think im a burden and i keep things to myself and cant properly trust you.

i tried but
1:31amHafiz

but?
1:32amnabilah

im not going to hurt another heart. just, dont pin your hopes on me. or our dreams. it might just be hard to achieve it.
1:33amHafiz

tell me, dear..

who do you spill everything out to?
1:34amnabilah

in the end, i might just be the bitch i am and break another heart.
1:34amHafiz

but my dearest is not a bitch

no..

nonono...
1:34amnabilah

myself, the cats, the moon, the pages, the walls.
1:34amHafiz

why not me?

you see dear...

i am shallow..

i apologize for being so..

everything i have to offer..
1:35amnabilah

because i cant. because i truly cant.
1:35amHafiz

i've served to you on a silver platter

any from of detachment you may experience...

is up to you...

i can only do so much..
1:35amnabilah

its not your fautl. i swear. its me. im deamnding. im too demanding. and i hate myself.
1:36amHafiz

you have to eliminiate the barrier between us..

(then tell me..

what is it that my dearest demands?)
1:36amnabilah

that is why its not your fault. and i am such a bitch. it goes down to me, doesnt it?
1:37amHafiz

a bitch wouldn't let me into her heart and forgive me for ALL my mistakes...

all my gravest mistakes where i could almost break a heart and kill the spirit of a young girl

no bitch could forgive me for doing that

but you could..

so you're no bitch...

in fact...

you're just a young girl..

lost

trying to find her ture self..

it's not too late..

people still go soul-searching even in their retirement stages

but you see dear..

unlike some people out there, you have me

a guiding light to aid you in times of darkness..

an emblem of grand endeavor..

i can only show you the direction..

you have to walk that path..

let yourself loose, dear...

the facade you conjured as consumed your true identity..

i know my baby dearest nur nabilah binte abdul moen is somewhere in there...

she can feel me..

she can sense me..

all she hears is my calling out her name..

trying to reach for her..

but she is trapped under the character that you are staging...

that fake character that has to cater to everyone else's needs...

my baby dearest nabilah can do that as well...

my nabilah can satisfy people..

but she can also acknowledge that she needs someone..

and that she has to entertain her needs..

look within yourself..

deny the emotions that cloud your mind.
1:43amnabilah

but you were always so far

always out of reach
1:43amHafiz

i wasn;t so far dear..

i was close..
1:43amnabilah

no you werent

you wouldnt know
1:43amHafiz

i was so close, i could hear your heartbeat through the walls...
1:43amnabilah

its so hard
1:44amHafiz

the walls dear..

the walls between us..
1:44amnabilah

get real darling

this is not a lit sompetition

literature competition*
1:44amHafiz

no, it's not..

its just that you set me free...

when i really pause and reflect about you

about us..

the feelings just come in...

and i try to tell you at best exactly how i feel...

dear....

your heart is beating quickly..
1:46amnabilah

its so hard sometimes to identify with you. you seem so out of reach.
1:46amHafiz

what's on your mind?
1:48amnabilah

i would look around me and sometimes i wished you would be here. but you have yuor own commitments you have to fulfil and sometimes, i rather just think you of a friend so it wont be so hurtful of you werent there to share my moments.
1:50amHafiz

when i look around me, sometimes i wished you were here..

when you weren't, i'll call out for you..

it may seem selfish but i know reaching out to you and trusting your 'rioritizing me and your commitments'

i'll somehow get to you...

and i do..

dear, have i not attendted to you whenever you need me..

or at least, i'll try don't i?

i may not know when to cater to you..

im human...

so are you

i'm not going to treat you like a robot, allowing you only so much regular time that we can spend together...

i'll give you the freedom to go enjoy yourself and come back to me if you wish..

the physical distance between us doesn't hinder our sharing of moments together

when you feel something worth sharing..

hold on to it..

keep it close to your heart..